Some Filipino husbands have an amusing and endearing way of calling their wives Kumander. It suggests that the wife is the head of the household. They are the boss. They call the shots.
While the term could be an innocent endearment, it somehow reflects how modern couples have adapted the culture’s practice and structure for marriage.
Yes, husbands and wives are equal partners in the marriage. However, it’s also important to know that God has established an order and roles within the relationship.
Here’s the key to a successful and long-lasting relationship: Both of you should fulfill your role according to what the Word of God says.
Do you know your role as a husband or as a wife?
Beyond Small Talk hosts Peter Kairuz and his wife, Christine, are here to help you discover your role in your marriage:
Husband’s role #1: Leader of the house
God has assigned the role of leadership in the home to the husband, just as Christ is the head of the church.
However, take note that “Husbands are not dictators. They should not demand. They should not rule over their wives,” according to All About God in their article Role of Husband in the Bible.
As the head of the wife and of the household, Peter reminds that husbands have the responsibility to provide for the needs of the family and to protect your home. They are called to lead and influence the family with biblical values.
Wife’s role #1: Administrator
Running the household is no piece of cake. Thankfully, God has equipped wives with gifts that can help them manage the home.
“All the talents, gifts, abilities, and disposition that were placed into me by the Lord helps me become a Godly and skillful administrator in the home,” Christine said.
Husband’s role #2: Lover and reassurer
Besides being a lover, you need to often reassure your wife that she is loved, valued, and secured. The husband’s love should mirror the love of God.
Wife’s role #2: Helper
From the Hebrew word Ezer in the Bible, helper means “helpmeet.” Ezer is a military word which means assistant to the commander. You are called to help and submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22 NKJV)
As Christine puts it, “God is our commander-in-chief. The husband is the commander, and the wife is the assistant to the commander.”
Husband’s role #3: Reflection of God’s sovereignty at home
The husbands should be the one to set the boundaries and rules at home. Setting dos and don’ts at home is part of leadership, and husbands must be firm in implementing them.
“The husband is like a judge. When it is sin, it is sin. There’s no gray area. You should set rules at home, that’s part of leadership,” Peter said.
Wife’s role #3: Lover and companion
Another God-given role of the wife is to be her husband’s lover and companion. Wives are called to be always ready for their husband.
“The wife’s mindset should be: she’s there for her husband. As a wife, you should always be ready for what your husband needs,” Christine said.
Wife’s role #4: Reflection of God’s love and forgiveness.
As husbands reflect God’s sovereignty at home, wives are to reflect God’s love and forgiveness.
“I have to have a heart that’s so loving and forgiving. We need to teach that to our children. Show them that we know how to forgive,” Christine shared.
Husbands and wives, God designed marriage to be this way that you must work—not as enemies—but as a team united with Him to carry out what He has called you to do.
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:21-25 NIV)
Do you want more tips about marriage and relationships?