Are you also wondering whether to still love them or let go? Do you feel trapped in a relationship?
This is what people in toxic relationships usually go through. According to an article from Time.com, “While every relationship goes through ups and downs, Dr. Glass says a toxic relationship is consistently unpleasant and draining for the people in it, to the point that negative moments outweigh and outnumber the positive ones.”
This means it’s harmful to your spiritual, emotional, mental, and even physical health. It drains your energy, and often, your happy memories get buried under painful experiences.
To help you understand what happens in a toxic relationship, here’s Lara Quigaman-Alcaraz, who once experienced being in one. In a Beyond Small Talk webisode, she shared some signs that indicate it may be time to end the relationship, and tips on how to break free.
First, let’s look at the signs:
Sign #1: You love your partner more than you love God
Ask yourself: Do I love the Lord most?
A healthy relationship is one where you love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (Matthew 22:37 NIV).
Sign #2: Your whole life revolves around your partner
It’s unhealthy for your life to be centered on just one person. You still have friends, family, career, and most importantly, God.
Sign #3: The relationship is emotionally abusive
According to Verywellmind.com, “If you feel wounded, frustrated, confused, misunderstood, depressed, anxious, or worthless every time you interact, chances are high that your relationship is emotionally abusive.”
Do you feel disrespected? Do you always argue and yell at each other? Do you give so much but receive nothing in return? Does your partner demand too much yet is never satisfied? Do you feel manipulated and controlled? Does your partner not listen to or value your feelings?
If most of your answers are yes, then maybe it’s time to let go.
Now that you know the signs of a toxic relationship, here’s how you can end it:
Step #1: Ask for help
Letting go of a relationship that you care about is a difficult thing to do, even if that relationship hurts you. So don’t hesitate to ask for help – from the people who loves you, from the God who loves you.
If you want, you can pray this prayer, similar to what Lara prayed when she wanted to leave a toxic relationship:
“Lord, I want to get out of this relationship because I know that it’s wrong. Will you please help me, will you please strengthen me?”
Step #2: Surround yourself with people you can trust
You need people who will tell you the truth and support you. Apart from your trusted family and friends, join a small group or a church community that will hold you accountable and tell you when things are wrong.
Having trustworthy people is crucial because they can help keep you from going back to your old ways. It’s harder when you’re alone—you need people who will pray for and with you.
Step #3: Keep yourself busy by improving yourself
Though it’s difficult at first, after some time, you will feel alive and free. Do things you weren’t able to do while trapped in the relationship.
Psychology Today suggests that you can get out of a toxic relationship if you keep knowing your value. So, work on yourself. Stay active—learn a new hobby, travel alone, read that book you’ve been putting off, write in your journal, volunteer, commit to a ministry, or even lead a group! Engage in activities that nourish your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.
Step #4: Be intentional in spending time with the Lord
Lara shared, “We need to soak ourselves in God’s promises. We need to remind ourselves of who we are in His eyes.”
As she reflected on God’s promises, she found comfort in Romans 8:37-39 (NIV):
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
If you think you can’t live without your partner, believing that no one else will love you—that is a lie. Jesus loves you more than anyone ever could. Fix your eyes on Him, seek His strength, and trust Him to help you break free.
It may seem impossible now, but nothing is impossible with God.
“If God was able to take me out of that relationship, He can do the same for you,” Lara concluded.
We understand that this is a difficult journey, and we want to help pray for you.
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